Discussing conflict with a colleague
You keep clashing over work, responding sharply or avoiding each other. One conversation does not have to resolve every tension. Start with a recurring difference that disrupts cooperation and try to agree on a practical way to handle the next task.
SPAALO editorial team · · General conversation support
Discuss one specific incident, listen to your colleague’s account and agree how you will approach the next shared task.
Three practical actions
Choose a shared goal
Decide what needs to improve: a handover, the division of tasks or a decision process. Request a conversation at a calm time. Explain that you want cooperation to improve and select an example you both recognise, rather than collecting every past frustration.
Compare your observations
Describe what you saw and how it affected your work. Ask how the other person experienced the incident and summarise their answer before responding. Acknowledging a different account does not mean that you agree with every part of it.
Agree a small practical change
Specify who takes the next step, when information is shared and what happens if another disagreement arises. Set a review time. A one-week trial is easier to assess than a general promise to be nicer from now on.
What you can say
Use words that feel natural to you and replace the details with what is happening in your situation.
Our handovers keep getting stuck. I want to understand what is going wrong and agree how we will handle the next one.
I understood that the task had passed to you. How did you understand our agreement?
I will send the details on Thursday, you will confirm missing information on Friday and we will review this on Monday.
What changes with your circumstances?
The conversation becomes heated
Suggest a short pause and arrange a time to resume. Do not continue until somebody gives in simply to end an uncomfortable exchange.
Responsibilities are disputed
Separate personal preferences from unclear authority. Ask the responsible manager to clarify how decisions should be made if you cannot determine that yourselves.
There are threats or humiliation
You do not need to handle an unsafe situation alone. Seek support through the appropriate contact person or procedure at your workplace.
If the conversation is still not moving forward
If a direct conversation does not help, ask a manager or neutral facilitator to support another discussion. Bring a short account of facts and previous agreements. Decide what you need from that meeting to make working together possible again, and review whether the resulting agreement is followed.
A pitfall to avoid
Do not recruit allies through gossip or present a list of personality faults. Avoid assuming that a single conversation will immediately restore trust.
Make it specific to your role.
What are you clashing over, what happened most recently and which shared task needs to move forward?
Describe it in the SPAALO app. Choose your role for practical guidance on what you can do and say. Do not include names or confidential information.
Android and iPhone · In-app purchases · Check the app for options and terms.