Addressing a dominant colleague
A colleague keeps deciding how things should be done, speaking for you or changing decisions about your tasks. You want room to contribute without starting a contest over status. Focus on one observable behaviour and a clear agreement about responsibilities.
SPAALO editorial team · · General conversation support
Describe a decision made about your work, explain what you need to fulfil your responsibility and agree who decides what.
Three practical actions
Choose a specific incident
Write down what happened in the last meeting: what changed, who decided and which information you had not yet shared. Separate those facts from assumptions about intentions. Ask for a private conversation so both of you can respond without an audience.
Clarify your responsibility
Explain which area you own and what input you welcome. Ask how your colleague understands the division of work. If responsibilities are unclear, take a joint question to your manager rather than assigning authority to one another during an argument.
Test one new agreement
For example, agree that each person explains their proposal before a decision is made. Specify who responds to the customer and who owns the schedule. Review after two meetings whether you actually have space to explain and manage your work.
What you can say
Use words that feel natural to you and replace the details with what is happening in your situation.
My schedule was changed in the meeting before I could respond. I would like to explain my assessment before we decide.
I would like to finish my proposal first. Then I want to hear your concerns and suggestions.
My understanding is that I decide this part. If yours is different, let us ask for clarification of our responsibilities together.
What changes with your circumstances?
Your colleague coordinates the team
Coordination may be part of their role. Ask which decisions it covers and which choices remain yours. Discuss how consultation should happen before changes are made.
It mainly happens in groups
Agree in advance who presents each topic. Ask the meeting chair to let everyone finish. A consistent speaking order can reduce the need to repeatedly interrupt.
You are new to the team
Ask about existing ways of working while also clarifying your own responsibility. Being new does not remove the need to involve you in decisions about your tasks.
If the conversation is still not moving forward
If it happens again, refer to the agreed responsibilities and describe the practical effect. Ask your manager for a joint conversation about roles if needed. Bring a workable proposal; seek clarity about the work rather than a verdict on your colleague’s personality.
A pitfall to avoid
Avoid labelling someone bossy or narcissistic. Do not challenge every small decision either: start with the behaviour that materially limits your contribution.
Make it specific to your role.
Which decision does your colleague make about your work, and what responsibility do you hold?
Describe it in the SPAALO app. Choose your role for practical guidance on what you can do and say. Do not include names or confidential information.
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